update

well, things just never seem to settle these days. as soon as i think i know what my next step is, something shifts. its pretty crazy.

after one night in ramallah waiting for my meeting with the trc i decided to meet with neta golani in the morning, one of the ism founders and longtime activist. we chatted about the situation in the west bank and in gaza, and the challenges that ism is facing. right now it seems that she feels like israel is taking on a pretty new policy of widespread arrest, for internationals and palestinian activists, rather than more violent repression. this is a GENERAL trend, not to say that they are still not using violence. while things have "calmed down" in ramallah, night raids continue to terrorize the west bank, especially in places like in Bil'in and NI'lin and masha'a and other places where there are frequent demonstrations against the contruction of the apartheid wall. neta suggested that i could go to bil'in and set up a clinic there for after the demonstration on friday, and that it could be a good starting point for a commnity-style clinic. so that is an option, i could have a free place to stay there in a house and then provide treatments throughout the week.

neta and i also discussed the cairo declaration, which she and a handful of other israeli activists have already signed. she and i agree that it is a great document because it effectively has raised the bar in how we talk about this situation. it repositions us in this debate to talk about the occupation in more truthful terms, calling it by the correct name, israeli apartheid. she says its the first time someone with moral authority has really had the courage to use this language, and the document in itself is a radical tool for education because it demands of the reader to think about the conflict in a new light. she and i are also very interested in how we can ensure that this movement around the declaration is as democratic as possible, and doesnt meet some of the same walls, so to speak, as ism has in its history. we are working together to try to influence the model of organizing from the beginning. i think her experience here is very valuable in terms of trying ot have a massively democratic and international effort, and we need her input in this process. i hope it helps.

after my meeting with neta, i met abed. what a dear man, a kind soul. we had coffee and i basically followed him to various union meetings he had to attend in the morning. he told me hestarted a new hotel and restaurant workers union. his commitment to workers and the most marginalized people in one of the most marginalized societies gives me so much inspiration. abed says that many workers here work 18 hour days and only make around $20. many business owners use the occupation as the excuse to not offer decent rights to their workers, including a day off or maternity leave or a fixed minimum wage. talking with abed only reinforces my wobbly sensibilities, realizing that workers are really getting the short end of the stick all over. i mean, the occupation creates an environment of such struggle, that those who obtain even the smallest advances cling ever so dearly to them, and solidarity is broken. abed told me that many things have changed in palestinian society, that the occupation used to be a source of common bond, that people could unite over it. in fact, the first intifada was very much about community organziations and solidarity. but slowly it has taken its toll. and especially with the industrialization, the commodification, of activism through the well-intentioned infuence of NGOs, resistance has become a business. people make money, they obtain small positions of power and influence, they might get a computer or a land rover. the dumping of millions of international dollars a year for NGOs has been very divisive. now people are focused on individual issues - women, children, water, organic food, fair trade, etc. the problem is that because the grant money is for very niche projects, the result has been a fractured movement, and one that follows the money. so the common worker is still at the bottom, here, but its much more complicated. abed also talked to me about how the fair trade olive oil project is being run by a corrupt man, who pays the workers a fraction and makes millions, literally. he has several land rovers, houses in the US and in the west bank, he is a business man. meanwhile the farmers and workers for the organization are not getting their fair wage. AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON FAIR TRADE COFFEE INDUSTRY in latin america, its the same issue. how these initiative get corrupted i dont really understand. but its very serious.

too many NGOs, too much money, corruption in the movement. solidarity breaks down, compartmentalized movements, nothing coherent. its an unstable place, and it looks quite bleak to me. all the EU and UN money that have been pumped in here have done very little, in the long run, in terms of building a coherent movement. it might as well have been a zionist initiative, similar to any colonial one that seeks to divide and conquer. of course, palestinians have their responsibility here as well, but the pressures on them are so severe that it seems that most people can only resist for so long until they break. its why i maintain that worker organizing and education around class and capitalism is the only way to get to the root of these problems, and many in the PGFTU, including abed, agree.

the palestine general federation of trade unions (PGFTU) is where i had coffee next, with abed, and i began talking to the secretary of the union about the cairo declaration and the situation of labor in general in palestine. we were just talking and talking and drinking tea, and he was asking me about my work, and i told him a bit about acupuncture. then he said, well, the afl-cio solidarity center has helped the pgftu buy their own new building, so they dont have rent anymore and can put their money towards other things. the new building has an extra floor, and the secretary said that he would be very excited to dedicate some space to establishing an acupuncture clinic for workers. i didnt even ask! he just offered, and it sounds amazing, like a merging of so many of my interests. he is going to talk with the general steering committee (which he should have done yesterday, actually) and i will hear back from him. but its a very exciting possibility! i mean, opening a clinic for workers, and eventually training folks here to do the ear 5np protocol, it sounds incredible. and i mean that in the truest sense of the word, unbelievable. almost too good to be true, so i am just trying to not get my hopes up too much. i cant handle too many more dissappointments, each one has been very heavy for me, i find that my resilience, my ability to bounce back, hs been weakened over this past month.

which is a good segue into what happened at the treatment and rehabilitation center for victims of torture (TRC) which i have been putting most of my energy into for the past few years of visits. it seemed like a great place ot get something established. now i realize that it is definitely not the place for me. i went to the clinic and was recieved cordially, but coldly. i feel as though i am looked at now as a sort of novelty, a gimmick, someone who has some amusing toy or trick, that is there for their entertainment. i am sure that there are a lot of factors there. one is that acupuncture is certainly foreign to them, and they dont really know how to relate to it (although its foreign to the union guys too, but they had a very different reaction and respect for it). but i think the most significant factor is that they have their heads way too far up their own asses to see something new. they are from an educated and wealthy and (relatively, of course, considering the context of occupation) priveleged class of people. they are pleased with their status and their modern tools. its the same issues i face when i talk to "real" doctors in the US about acupuncture. i was asked to give a few hours of presentation, which i began by showing a 15 minute video about the 5np acupuncture protocol used for trauma after 9-11, katrina, and around the world. the video is highlighted by pyshiatrists and therapists who talk about how many times the best approach to trauma is non-verbal therapy, which is why acupuncture has seemed to be so effective. well, needless to say, this was a concept that the fancy-pants folks at the center bristled at. immediately guards were up, questions were asked about research and mechanism of action. people completely failed to see effectiveness, and only sought to validate their own ideas. they were afraid to lose their power, and forget perhaps their only reason for work, which is to strive to find the best ways to help their patients. their egos got in the way, as our egos do for all of us, and it was too much for them to see. my conclusion: its not the right time to work with these people, and i have no desire to ever return to their center. i am giving up on years of effort here, because its only fruitful in that perhaps these people are getting educated one tiny interaction at a time that they really need to lose control over the healing process. i guess its a lesson we all need to learn. in fact, watching it happen so clearly before my eyes really resonated with something very deep inside of me, and realizing that i need to strive to do the same. i know that i must do the same thing, perhaps in different ways. i hope i can face those moments when my ego is challenged, bravely, and let what needs to die simply pass away. farewell and good riddance!

after the meeting i had another coffee with my palestinian father, abed, again, and then i left for jerusalem, something he has been denied for decades. it was a sad goodbye, we walked arm in arm to the bus, and i felt the weight of the occupation. you never know if you will see someone again. i crossed through the checkpoint from ramallah, the indignities, watching them check for the proper palestinian IDs, x-rays, gates, cages. the wall! the fucking wall. a scar on humanity.

i went to the bus station, passed through the security gates, they checked for weapons, a search which i find shockingly ironic, considering that the mall and bus station are filled with young men and women armed with uzis. i get on the bus, free travel, to the north back to harduf, the kibbutz where i have my israeli family. so many worlds.

last night i had a long conversation with channah about the failures of the kibbutz movement. her opinion is that the kibbutz has failed to bring about a real sense of community, because people have failed to be truthful with one another, and it leads to lies and pain, and now the kibbutz is comprised of individuals who do their own thing, with no real sense of community anymore. silently i wondered if the seed of a social experiment to find individual liberty and a very tight community could ever grow in an environment that denied that land, freedom, and commnity from others. i mean, can you plant an organic seed in contaminated, poisoned earth and expect it to grow healthy and organic? can a free kibbutz community grow on a land that was stolen and the where the presence of their community essentially represents the denial of the basic rights of the people who had always lived there?

when we talk about healing the earth, i think it also applies metaphorically to healing the environment where we plant our ideas and future. the "earth" is the place where things grow, its not just the physical earth. when we want to plant new seeds of peace in a conflict, in a conversation, we must make sure to consider the earth, not just the seed. maybe it doesnt mean that the land where the kibbutz is needs to be purified of its physical toxins so that organic food can grow. maybe it means that the toxin is the kibbutz itself. that the state is the toxin. maybe purifying the earth means the disestablishment of states, of borders, of divisions. when we look at how we have harmed our earth we tend to only look at a very physical level, of chemicals and oils and resource extraction and pollution, which are all true, but maybe our analysis of healing the earth needs to broaden.

ok, damn, lots of writing, not fully formed ideas, but anyway. so at the end of this i am still not sure if i will be coming home on the first of feb, although that seems like the likliest option. but there is still work here, obviously, and this trip has clarified a lot in terms of where that work might be. so i feel very positive about that. but i am not sure if staying is the best idea for me right now, as i am pretty exhausted, especially at changing directions and intentions so often. we'll see! if anyone has any gut feelings about this, please feel free to write soon, because if i'm gonna change my ticket it has to be within the next day or so. PEACE!